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Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
5:09 pm
hello hello....sooo i am actually not babysitting today and i got sick of doing homework so i decided to write a little...

friday was prom...it was alot of fun...i went with dan liepins...i had asked him a few months ago because him and i are good friends and he loves to dance and i figured why not...so i brought him and it was god...it was at the CandleWood Inn....such a nice place...it was a beautiful day also so we took some really nice pictures out in the gazebo in front of the lake...the first hour of music sucked but then it got better and before i knew it, the prom was over...the food was really good too haha....postprom was really fun too...they had this blowup thing that you could race someone through...then the hypnotist was hilarious...i couldnt stop laughing...i really want to get hypnotized now...i want to know how it feels...then after that we went to beckts and we all just fell asleep...it was fun tho...

saturday night adam and i hung out...actually it was afternoon mostly cause he went bowling later that night but it was fun...we hung out at my house then he was hungary so we went to the diner and then we had some time to waste so we drove around...we ended up in the senior lot just talking and listening to music...i could tell he was really nervous and i had a feeling he was gonna ask me out...and he did!!! hehe...i was so excited...i couldnt stop smiling...it was craziness...i havent been this happy in awhile...and in school he's the first boyfriend that will actually hold my hand and stuff...it sooo nice....i hope this one lasts...im going to school next year but adam and i agreed not to talk about that now...we are just going to have an awesome summer together and then see how things are from there....:)

the carnival is this weekend...of course i am going to go and just walk around...its a tradition to at least go and walk around...that should be fun...i just want friday to come but its only tuesday! :( it sux...but school is almost over so i gotta enjoy my time now....anywho im gonna go...much love

<3 erin

current mood: chipper
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Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
1:07 pm
wow i cant believe i am actually writing after 2 months...i kinda forget about this journal...i have been really busy lately...SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER!!!!

ballet was awesome...the recital turned out really well...it was a lot of hard work and stress but i put my all in to it and it was spectacular...my family came to see and me and stuff... it was really nice...

so ive been chillin alot with liv and josh and adam...they are so much fun...i love everytime we hang out...last weekend we went into adams hottub...it was so relaxing...then we watched fight club...lets just say it wasnt a girl movie haha...but it was nice cause i got to sit next to adam...yes i have a new love interest...ive always had a thing for adam...ever since i met him last year at summer camp...he's just so cute and nice...and i used to be so jealous cause he liked katie and im like wtf...but w/e...he likes me too now so im sooo happy...i havent felt like this in sooo long
but im going to livs now to look at prom hairdoes...so ill write later

much love

current mood: excited
3 thoughts What do you think?
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
1:24 pm
hello...today was a half day for parents conferences...i stayed after to help olivia with a physics lab...i hate that class! on my way out i saw Ms. Cosentino, Vinny's mom...we talked for a few minutes..i love her...she's so nice and funny...her new york accent cracks me up..it was nice to see her..i hadnt seen her in like 2 months...i havent really talked to vinny either...i was gonna call him last night but i didnt...some people are coming over to sled tomorrow night so im gonna ask him if he wants to come but he prob has to work

tuesday we had a snow day...it snowed alot and mike oskandy and i were talking about sledding the night before so i invited him to come over...so mike and murr came over and sledded...it was so much fun! murr's car was parked on the bottom of the hill and of course i slid right into it but o well...it was all good...my mom made cookies so we went inside and just talked for awhile...then they dragged me to Taco Bell...yum! then we found a parking lot and did some donuts in murr's car...haha it was a blast...

ballet is getting stressful but that was expected...anywho...im gonna go eat now...ill write later...much love

<3 erin
What do you think?
Sunday, February 27th, 2005
7:38 pm
well i havent written in awhile...theres really not much to say...all ive been doing is school, ballet, and babysitting...thats the story of my life for the next month or so...ballet is starting to get really stressful because we only have a month left and its hard to do it everyday (which i need to go to be good)...today i met with andy my prince...i think he was getting frustrated because he didnt realize all the dancing involved...but he's an awesome kid...he's very outgoing which i like because then i can be open and stuff...i had fun with him today...and im really comfortable with him and i dont mind him touching me and stuff...so thats a plus...

lets see...friday night i brought manda and becky to my aunt deb's house in new farfield...from there we went to Wendys for Meghan and then back to the house...we stayed there for a lil then went to the movies...we saw Hitch...it was a good movie...good comedic love story i guess you can call it...yesterday i worked and then slept and went to the mall with my parents...what a life! haha...

my cousin came home from the Italy...he's in the Navy and did his time overseas for the last year or so...he came over one night and then i went to his hosue today to celebrate his birthday...it was fun...i havent seen him or his other family in awhile...my parents are still there...theyve been there since 2...i had to leave because of ballet and now i'm home not wanting to do anything...i went to taco bell before with manda cause we were both hungary and i was craving it...

i'm in one of those weird moods that i cant explain...like i jsut have this feeling and ugh! i hate it! like its inbetween wanting to cry and just screaming...i hate when this happens...im glad that im alone tho so i dont have to explain anything to the rents...anyways...the Oscars are on tonight...i dont really like watching those award show things but ill give it a try tonight...i have nothing else to do...
much love

<3 erin
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
10:02 pm
so today i had fun...i came home and walked a mile on the tredmill...whoohoo..fun fun NOT...but i gotta do it if i wanna look good for my recital...ive been procrastinating too long...

so i did that then went babysitting...my usual 3:30-5:30...then i was supposed to babysit for the Bagalas but she cancelled so i called Nina who lives right across from the Bagalas...i was free and i knew she wanted me to come over so i called her...so i went there...their house is beautiful...the husband owns Hollandia Nursery so they are like rich...but omg they are the nicest people ever! Nina is a doll...and her and i are so alike its ridiculous...we both love taco bell, really random, we both like school, and just like other random things...like the first time i went over there her and i jsut talked for like 2 hours...it was great...so tonight we all had dinner and like i just hung around while the kids were playing...then we got the kids ready for bed and then i went home...it was soo nice...like i just feel so comfortable there unlike other places i babysit...but anywho...i wrote this cause i was bored and no one is really talking to me online...time for bed also...so much love

<3 erin
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Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
8:29 pm
blah blah blah....nothing interesting is happening...my life is school, ballet and babysitting...i want something different to do...but i guess i will have to deal with it...my dance teacher is stressing me out!!! i was in such a bad mooood today....then i was doing my hw and fell asleep but i had to wake up to go babysitting...i got out an hour earlier than i thought tho so i was happy...anywho...im gonna go to sleep early tonight cause im a poop like that...haha...much love

<3 erin
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Monday, February 14th, 2005
4:36 pm
Valentine's Day = a sentimental myth


i got a rose today and Dan and I decided that we are going to be eachother's valentines...haha...cute cute...anywho...on to babysitting and hw on this lovely day

much love

<3 erin
What do you think?
Saturday, February 12th, 2005
1:16 pm
whats going on? nuttin much here...this morning i worked and now i have absolutly nothing to do...well i guess i can do some homework but who wants to do that? haha...actually i'm reading a book called "White Orleander" and its really interesting...im almost finished and there's a movie so ill prob end up renting that tonight and watching it... i havent been online the whole week...on Tuesday afternoon my mom and i went down to NJ...we got there around dinner time so my grandma made us dinner and then we went to Target to get The Notebook on dvd...then we went home and watched it...it's such a goood movie...its genuinley an awesome love story... Wednesday mom, grandma, uncle tom and i went to church...my grandma lives in a 55 and older community so i was like the youngest one at church...i felt really awkward but its all good...We took Uncle Tom to the hospital...we waited a while before he actually went in for his operation...mom and i went to Monmouth for another tour...it was like the same one i went on during the summer...pretty pointless but it gave me another closer look at the school...i am 99% sure i am going to go there...i think ill be really happy there...Uncle Tom's operation went fine and we left the hospital arond 8...it was a looong day...THursday mom and i cleaned my grandfathers house for him...he's getting old and cant really do much anymore...then we saw uncle tom again and then we went to my other grandparents house...my nana told me some stories about my dad that i had never known before...it was awesome... i'm just glad my uncle is okay...itll be hard for him when he goes for his chemo in a few weeks but i think in the end he will be so much more happier that he went through it...anywho i'm gonna go read...much love to all <3 erin

current mood: blah
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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
2:42 pm
well heeeellllo there...i got out of work early today...i was supposed to stay until 4 doing registration stuff but hardly anyone was coming in so craig (my boss) let ashley and i leave at 2...i'm gonna miss craig :( he's going to danbury on monday...im so sad...today was his last day but he said he would be at my recital so they made me happy...he's just such a genuinly nice and sweet guy...

anyways~ BETHEL WON last night!!! it was a-mazing...i brought murray, local, liv and becky...it was an interesting ride...haha...and i took the looong way...sorry bout that guys...but immaculate or should i say "ijaculate"...thats what my brothere used to call it, its so small there...so it was mad packed...we found seats tho...we won by 2 points...it was awesome...after the game olivia and i went to becky's house and watched mean girls...great movie...i had fun...i dont know what to do tonight though...i got a message on my phone this morning from bill mcdermott asking to hang out tonight and watch a movie or something...but i dunno if i want to...i dont want to be mean but i always feel weird when i hang out with him...i dont want him to like me...so we'll see...

this tuesday The Notebook comes out on DVD...i'm so excited...my mom said she would buy it for me because she bought chris 2 movies and sent them up to him for valentine's day...aww how cute..haha...
tuesday night mom and i are going down to NJ...we have to bring my uncle tom to the hospital for one of his operations for his chemotherapy...then we are going on a tour at monmouth because it's like 20 min from where we are going to be...so i'm excited...i love going to NJ...i think i'm really gonna be happy at monmouth university...its nice to know where you are going to go...

today is sooo nice!!! mother nature is finally being a litle nice to us...haha...

much love!

liv- my mom bought triscuits today! yes! haha
1 thought What do you think?
Friday, February 4th, 2005
4:09 pm

so tonight is going to be awesome...first i have to babysit...but not technically cause i've never babysat for these people tonight so i'm just going over for like an hour to meet the kids and everything.....the house is brand new and HUGE!!! the guy owns hollandia nursery..big mula....so that's until 6:15...then i might be driving murray and local to the game tonight...but i'm also driving olivia and becky so i gotta run to get all of them and then make my way over to immaculate....it's going to be a crazy game!!! first of all we are rivals and our superfans are going to be crazy...absolute mayhem....ill tell u about it after this crazy night....much love

<3 erin

1 thought What do you think?
Monday, January 31st, 2005
12:53 pm
so i am done with all my mid-terms! yES! they weren't that bad...hopefully i'll be exempt from my finals...who wants to take finals when you're a senior?! haha...i really have to keep my grades up the next 2 quarters...like so many seniors are like i dont care anymore...no more hw for me...and stuff like that...but i'm still going to do my work...i want to keep my gpa up...at the end of last year i was ranked 9th in my class but i'm sure that has changed...i wont know until the end of the year i guess...but if i keep my grades up i have a really good chance of staying in the top 10...

yesterday i was in the weirdest mood ever...i woke up, finished a book that i started on saturday while babysitting, then did nothing...i never changed out of my pjs...i showered at like 9 last night cause i was bored and i didnt wanna go to bed yet...but like it was so weird...i was in my room cleaning my closet and i was listening to the avril lavigne cd...i listened to that alot when vin and i broke up cause there are some really good songs...but anyways...i was cleaning my closet and i just started to cry...i was like that the rest of the day...i didnt know what was wrong with me...and im not pmsing lol...so i guess sometimes you just have to cry...it was really weird...today i feel kinda weird...i might shower and go down to johnson and hang out with my mom...i gotta babysit later but thats like 3 hours away...maybe i'll read...haha...who knows...

much love
<3 erin

current mood: frustrated
2 thoughts What do you think?
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
1:27 pm

hello...well last night was awesome...i had so much fun...i think i had more fun last night than i did at junior prom...i just let myself go and didnt let anything bother me...i didnt care what i looked like when i danced or who was watching....i didnt let vin bother me either...so this is how the day went....

first manda and i hung out and we went to friendly's for lunch...then she tried to do my hair is curles...lets just say they didnt come out good...so i washed my hair and just straightened it and put a little piece of it up in front...it looked cute...manda also did my makeup...she's really good at it and she has tons of stuff....so yea that was that...i came home and got my dress on and did some last minute touchups...zach and his mom came over...we took some pictures and then went to becky's house for the  rest of them...olivia, erik, ashley, nate, me, zach, and of course becky and charles were there....it was freezing yesterday!!!! we got to the fireside and it was cool...we walked around and got pictures with everyone...we ate and then started to dance...

im glad zach danced otherwise it would have been a boring ass night....vin and i promised a slow dance together so like the 3rd slow song came on and it was weird cause we didnt even say which dance we were gonna dance together, but i just heard it and started looking for him, and then i saw him and he's like, "there you are"....he was disgustingly sweaty...i had my head up to his and my hair got wet...yuk! but i have to admit that he looked hott last night...we walked in with sunglasses on and he got another haircut....o man....he looked good...haha...i got a really nice picture with him too...so zach and i danced alot but i wanted to dance with other guys too...so i danced with matt...that was interesting...he's like you're my sister haha...then jimmy started dancing with me and it was great cause he did it just to piss zach off....i wanted to fast dance with vin even tho all he does is just stand there and you dance with him....i saw him by himself so i was like zach im gonna go dance with him....so i ended with dancing with him a few songs....then towards the end of the night josh mancher comes over and steals me from zach...he's a really good dancer...i didnt realize how long we were dancing for...zach came over and josh was like just one more...haha....that was fun....when zach and i slow danced he sang the songs...even tho he messed up alot of the words haha...but anyways...that was prob really boring to read...

i really enjoyed myself last night....i just hate how people get drunk and everything...one junior girl had to leave with her date cause she got sick and threw up alot...other people were drunk too and they were all over everyone! i hate that....like some particular people are all over everyone without being drunk and them having alcohol in them makes it worse...and i just hate it...you can have fun without getting drunk or high or w/e....i stayed away from the drunk people...they arent my favorties kids anyways....i'm glad my close friends dont find the need to get wasted every weekend...we find better things to do...

afterwards we came back to my house to get changed and then went to brianne's for an hour or so...we just hung out, watched tv, and ate...i was so tired and i had to work this morning....on the way home i was thinking to myself that zach better not be expecting a goodnight kiss or anything...he had got a piece of gum out before we left briannes and im like thinking, whats that for? haha....he pulled up my driveway and i opened the door right away and was like thanx for a great night...ttyl...haha....and that was the end of my night.....

i cant until prom!!! when i figure out how to do my pictures online i will attach a link so you guys can see them....alright well i better go and shower and stuff....i worked this morning and suprisingly it wasnt bad..i was actually awake...i know the tiredness will hit me tonight when i have to babysit...but o well...ill drink caffine or something to help me stay awake...i hate when you are babysitting late and the people come home and you are sleeping...its just awkward i think haha...o and i got another babysitting job today for the guy who owns hollandia...omg his new house is huge...so thatll be some major $$$....haha....

much love <3

current mood: relaxed
1 thought What do you think?
Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
9:47 am

so whats goin on? today was the first day of midterms...i got calc and stats out of the way...thank goodness!!! i was so freaked for them but i think i did pretty well...at least ill get a passing grade...i went to zachs house last night to study...i was there until 10:30...his house is soo nice...he mostly studied and i read a magazine lol...it was an interesting article on teen sex....it was funny....zach and i had a convo about it and it was interesting haha...him and i always find stuff to talk about....so anywho

now i only have physics and english midterms, and yearbook but thats nothing....im going to ballet soon..i think i'm learning a new dance today...yay! tonight there a bball game so im gonna go to that and cheer on the boys...they are playing new farfield, the team we beat in 4 overtimes...olivia and i went to that game and it was absolute mayhem....i cant wait!

this friday is semi...im excited for it....i just want to go and have fun....itll be good times...

anywho i should go get ready for ballet...then i have a doctor's app cause ive been sick for like 2 weeks and im sick of being sick....yuk!

much love <3

current mood: weird
1 thought What do you think?
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
1:52 pm

FINALLY!!! i'm back...haha well actually i was never gone....i just havent updated in forever....alot of stuff has gone on but im not going to bore you with it...my life has been pretty good lately...i dont have much to complain about haha....

ok lets see....of course i am going to write about how vinny and i are...him and i are like best friends...we broke up and didnt get back together...my last entry was on a friday...that day olivia, erik, meg and i went to the mall, kohls to see vin and give him his money, borders and wendy's...then they came back to my house and we chilled...chris had some friends over playing poker and vin called so i told him he was more than welcome to come over....so he did even though he could have gone to local's house...i asked him why he came to my house and he said he wanted to see me....awww...cough cough....but i had alot of fun that night....that following monday vin and i got into a fight...see this is what happened...

he kissed me in school...like it was a peck, no biggie but still we never talked about being together or anything so that night i asked him waht he felt...of course he said i dont know...then we got into this argument about the semi-formal so im like fuck it...i cant deal with this shit anymore...so i was like omg its really over between him and i...so i started to cry but i was fine...since then him and i talk alot...he calls me, i call him...we talk online...he comes over here for a few minutes to chat and i go to his house....like its a good friendship...and when we hang out and talk its not weird...like u would think it would be...but like we just talk about random stuff and its good to have a friend like that....of course i still have feelings for him but i dont let them get in the way of just being friends...supposedly he still likes me...he said the other night on the phone that he missed me and didnt want to move on...but i told him im not jumping back into anything....so yea...vinny and i are just friends right now...we'll see what happens in the future...

so about semi-formal....vin pissed me off that one night so the next day zach white and i were talking so im like ill go with him...so we agreed to go...i figured i would have fun with him and he's a friend...so him and i are still going together...im sure we will have fun....vinny doesnt have a date yet but thats his fault...so many people are going stag so he would def dance with a lot of people but he's like i want to go with someone....i would go with him but i cant ditch zach like that...it would mess him up so much lol....zach has really bad luck with girls so it would just be mean to ditch him....if vinny does go i hope he has fun....i know ill get jealous watching him dance with other girls...but i shouldnt care...a part of me doesnt want him to go so i wont have to see him dance with other girls...but he did get jealous when all these guys started talking to me online after him and i broke up....i could tell he was mad one night on the phone...and its good to see that because i know he really does have feelings for me....ugh sorry i went on a vinny tangent....back to semi

soooo i didnt know what dress to wear..i had bought one awhile ago but i wasnt sure if i liked it so much...so last night becky, olivia and i hung out....i tried on some of becky's dresses....i call first dibs on her last years prom dress for the senior prom...it fits me well and its so pretty...now i dont have to buy one...haha....olivia said she had some dresses so we went to her house after dinner at tonelli's....dom and vinny were working so it was fun to see them....olivia has soo many nice dresses....so becky decided she's gonna wear olivias semi dress from last year....and im gonna wear muriels semi dress from her junior year or something like that....the one im wearing in blue with silver sparkles and olivia has shoes that match...its good to have friends who have nice clothes and shoes you can borrow...thank you liv!!!

after olivias house we went back to becky's...we started to watch the notebook...erik came over, then vinny and dom, then ashley...they came over after 11 tho...it was late and i wanted to stay cause it was fun hanging out with everyone...but i called my mom and she flipped out so i had to be home by 12...i played some cards and then had to leave....ashley said everyone just hung out until around 1...i wanted to hang with vin! haha...ooo well....i had fun...we gotta do that more often....

today i had work...it went by really fast...now its snowing! we are supposed to get ALOT....so my mom was like you should have amanda sleep over...im gonna be bored by myself and we cant go out anywhere...so amanda is coming here and if the roads arent too bad later we are gonna have dinner with the roberts...im supposed to babysit tonight also but i called the family and the guy said he wasnt sure by his wife wasnt home so he doesnt know...hopefully i dont have to cause that would just be craziness....i think im forgetting to say something but w/e...ill write later if i remember....im glad i finally did this update....peaceout homies!!!

much love...


current mood: happy
1 thought What do you think?
Friday, January 7th, 2005
3:15 pm
wow so i guess my last update was last week and that was hardly even an update so this may take up some major space...i just hate it cause there is so much to write...well here it goes

christmas vacation was good...we opened our presents on christmas eve night and then left for New Jersey on Christmas morning...I got everything i wanted even tho it was only two things...a digital camera and DDR for PS2...i also got some giftcards from family and everything...my best present from a family member was a Coach Wristlet from Aunt Sandi...she has one and i loved it so she got me a black one...its so cute and either i can have my phone or camera in it so its perfect...the rest of the vacation was good...aunt mary and the girls and of course crazy uncle joe came up...nana and grandpa were here also...the girls, manda and i went to see meet the fockers one day...great movie...i recommend that you see it...so New Year's Eve was interesting...all day i kept trying to call Vin but he wasnt answering and he said he would call me but never did...so i was frustrated because i didnt know if we were gonna go out and my cousins kept asking me...i felt bad ditching them...so anyways around 10:30 he finally called after work and said he left his phone at home...anywho...he came over and i was like what do u wanna do...and the only thing that was going on was a party and then some kid was having some kids over...but i wasnt like "ok lets go" and he didnt say anything so we just stayed in...we played cards and then watched the ball drop on tv...i got my New Year's kiss...i had fun and i was kinda happy cause we didnt go out and get drunk...i've never seen him drunk before and i dont really want to...so that was that...Aunt Mary left on Saturday then i hung out with Dan...it was fun...we played DDR and holy shit is he awesome at it...we just talked about stuff and it was nice...its good to have a friend whos a guy cause then you can see a guys point of view on certain things...Vin called while i was there and i kinda felt guilty but o well...so i went home but was sooo bored so Dan invited me back over to watch a movie with him and Bill...we watched Napoleon Dynamite...stupid movie lol...but like the whole time i was there i kept looking at my phone because i wanted vin to call me sooo bad...plus he said he would call...well i ended up leaving earlier than i had to because i just felt bad for being there even tho i knew i shouldnt feel that way...well Vin never called so i called him and left a voicemail...

the next day my grandparents left and i really didnt have anything to do...Vin was in NYC for the weekend and i didnt feel like doing anything else...i called vin like a million times cause his phone was off...i figured it was dead which i later found out was true...like i didnt mean to be annoying, i just wanted to say hi to him...i missed him and just wanted to talk...i knew he was having fun tho...i finally got a call from him around 5:30 for like a minute...but i was happy he called...then i watched the Cowboys vs. Giants game cause Vin was there with his mom and PJ...it was a good game...usually i dont watch football but after going out with vin during football season and everything i understand it now...

Monday sucked cause it was the first day back to school...nothing interesting happening...i babysat then olivia and i went to the bball game in new farfield...the boys in my grade are hilarious at the games...so many of them come and cheer for the guys...its awesome...vin was there also but i felt like something was diff...like he never sits next to me or even notices that i am there...o and he attempted to dye his hair with joe...they tried to bleach it and it came out terribly wrong...they are idiots haha...it was a crazy game too...we finally beat the other team after 4 overtimes...it was sooo long...that night online after the game vin and i were talking and somehow we got into this conversation...and he goes "some days i love you and other days i just like you alot" and im like wtf, how am i supposed to respond to that...so i got upset cause i thought everything was awesome, and he goes "everything is awesome" so i got so confused...but i mean i got over it by tuesday...

tuesday the seniors had this returnee assembly thing...vin sat behind me...i didnt care that he wasnt next to me...but then after it was over he just walked out without even saying anything to me...im like wtf...i had marketing next so he went there but still...i looked at him and was like "thanks, you could have waited and walked with me"...i dunno if im being crazy here but i just thought it was common sense to wait for your g/f and at least say something to her before you just walk out, especially since i was like 2 ft away from him...then during lunch we were in the marking room and he goes "joe watch this" and he takes my hand and puts it on his dick...and i pulled it away and was like wtf...i got so pissed...to me thats not funny...even joe thought it was bad...ugh...so annoying...so tuesday night i wanted to go shopping so olivia came to the mall with me...we went to american eagle and victorias secret...i bought pants, a sweater and a new bra...i used my christmas gift cards...it was awesome...so after vin called me but he never knows what he's doing...like he wanted to dye his hair brown again since it looked like shit but he wasnt sure who was gonna do it...and im like well ill come over or u should come over...like i wanted to see him and talk to him...

so i finally just go to his house...we went to stop and shop to get hair dye and he kept asking me what was wrong...i told him in the car...and i prob shouldnt have brought this up but like i said that a lil note or an email once in awhile would make my day...and he's like well ive never done that for the 3 months we've been going out so...and im like true but the whole walking out of the assembly thing bothered me i told him...and even after the bball games i look like an idiot just standing there waiting for him to notice that im waiting for him...it just got annoying...i told him that i felt like i was the last thing on his list...cause during break he would come over after the bball game for a lil then go out with his friends...like i felt he would come over so i wouldnt get mad then go out...and he says he never gets to hang out with his friends which is totally bull cause he does hang out with them alot when he has free time...i just didnt know if he still wanted to be with me cause it didnt seem like it...so he wouldnt say anything when i was expressing my feelings and stuff...he said he was mad at me for bringing up what i did...and im like god im not asking for a lot here...im not asking for a million dollars...i just want him to pay more attention to me for goodness sake...so we just sat at the table and talked and then went up to his room and talked more...and i thought everything was fine cause he hugged me and said he didnt want me to feel the way i did and that everything was fine...then he just had a certain look on his face and i knew everything wasnt okay...o yea he def twisted my words around and said that i said i wasnt happy and that he didnt make me happy...which is totally not true...he makes me so happy and i wouldnt be with him if i wasnt...all i said was lil things make me happy and he never does lil things...anyways...

here comes the good part...
so he goes "well if you are unhappy then you're gonna end up breaking up with me" and im like "o so you're gonna break up with me before i break up with you" and he's like noooo...ugh
it was like 10 so i went home and he said he had to think and we would talk online...i called manda cause i was so pissed...i come home and he's like we need to talk...
he said he got upset about what i said to him and he said i was demanding...which is bull shit...the only thing i ever asked for him was that night and that was to pay more attention to me...like he made up all theses excuses...like he cant act the same with me and his friends, and im mad at him when we dont hang out...and ive never complained...maybe i say things to my friends but not to him...it just pissed me off...so he goes on to say that i still mean so much to him but just as a friend now...and im like wtf...i tried to stay calm...but it just pissed me off...

i told him that this was our last chance and that if we didnt work it out now then it would never happen again...this is the 3rd time its happened and it seems like everytime its for the same goddamn reason...its so stupid...i was like fuck it...so he was like we are still friends, we are still close, blah blah, he was even like, you are the second most important person to me after my mother...and its like riiight...he said he was crying and everything and of course i started to cry...im a very emotional person...there was other things said but thats mostly what happened...i couldnt sleep that night...manda had ian her b/f talk to me...and he def suprised me...he is soo good at talking to you...he made me feel so much better...like just what he talked about and he told me not to give up and that u never know what may happen...he told me about one his relationships and stuff...it was just nice to talk to him...and i hate how people just see him for how he looks on the outside...im glad amanda knows him as a person cause he makes her so happy and he's really a good guy...

wednesday i felt weird but i was fine...vinny and i talked online and stuff...we prob talked more about us and stuff...
thursday he actually called me and it was like 5 min convo about just normal stuff...like hey whats up, whats going on, stuff like that...then we talked online more of course...he said he felt like something was missing and on tuesday he just sat there for a few hours and just thought about what happened...he said he regreted what he did and just overreacted...i dont want to get hurt again and im not ready to go back out with him...so we both decided to be friends and hang out and just see how things are from there...he pissed me off again on wednesday tho cause we talked about semi-formal and im like how much do u wanna make a bet that he'll either take this one girl, or this other girl from work...and so to him i was like let me guess the girl from work, and he's like good guess...im like thats great...he said he would want to go with me also but he didnt know if it would be werid...i'm like w/e...like in a way i wanna go with him cause we are close and im comfortable with him and everything...plus i know i would get jealous if he brought the girl from work...who in fact reminds him of me...we talked on the phone last night and i didnt realize this until this morning but i said something about her and im like "yea cause she looks like me" and he's like "yea thats why i think i was attracted to her" which mean he was ATrracted to her!!!! ugh...which means this happened when we were still together...grrrr!!!!

so i dont know whats gonna happen...i really dont want to go back out with him anytime soon cause i dont want to go through the same shit...like one day he likes me as a friend and the next he's telling me that he thinks him and i are better together as a couple rather than being just friends...like he is soo confusing...so he prob still doesnt know what he wants...i saw him for a second today...he came into the english class and talked to mike or pj..like i saw the back of him and he didnt even like say hi...so other than that he called and i called him today and then we just talk online...im glad we still talk cause i dont want to lose him as a friend...i just dont know if i want to get back together with him...the other day he was like "we always do this so we'll prob get back together" and im like i dunno bout that one...i just dont want to get hurt and i kinda realized that i wasnt as happy as i could be...like i was happy with him, but mostly i just had this pit in my stomache and it wasnt fair to me...i feel like he was taking advantage of me and my feelings...and its not like he can change within a few days...like he has to prove to me if he really wants to be with me again...cause i just have a feeling like he just wants to get back together to have a g/f...but like this cant keep happening...breaking up and getting back together is such a waste of time...i hate how everytime this has happened its because of something stupid and the first thing that pops into vin's head is that we would be better off as friends...its like NO!!! we can work it out...ughhh...i really hate boys!!!!

sorry if this is confusing...i always forget things or write things out or order...it feels good to get this finally out tho...

tonight i am chillin with meg...i wanted to see "closer" with julia roberts but its not playing at loews anymore so we'll prob end up just going to the mall cause there is nothing else to do...ill write latas...much love...and i envy whoever actually read this whole thing...haha...

<3 erin

current mood: confused
2 thoughts What do you think?
Saturday, January 1st, 2005
4:12 pm - not alot of time

hello there....havent updated in forever annnd i cant really update now because i am hanging out with dan....kinda weird but him and i are really good friends and he said he wanted to hang out...i'm gonna go to his house and play DDR...it should be fun....vinny was like "u sure you wont do anything?" and im like of course NOT!!! i love him and i wouldnt cheat on him...thats just not me...see the thing with vinny is, he says he not jealous and stuff but last night my dad was like "im suprised danny, i mean bobby hasnt called you yet" and the look on vin's face of different...he does really care i think ...or at least i hope he does...i have to admit that i am a very jealous g/f but i have my reasons for being like that....

anywho...i gotta go now...ill update more later...much love

<3 erin

current mood: rejuvenated
3 thoughts What do you think?
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
8:40 pm
come on people...update!!!! i need something to read...
3 thoughts What do you think?
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
2:27 pm

hello there...havent written in a few days...

sunday was nice....i helped my mom get ready for our company...Aunt Deb, Uncle Al, Mike, Mrs. D, and Vinny came over...my mom made dinner and my aunt made cookies...her cookies are awesome and my mom and i are baking retarded so we didnt even try to make some this year...it was fun...i got a gift card to american eagle and a little candle and ornament....my first christmas presents of the year!!! haha....so on sunday night i was hoping for a snow day for monday...i was at the computer and my dad walks in and tells me that im not going to school tomorrow...see my mom wanted to go to the city this year before christmas so my dad said we were going to suprise her and go on monday..i was like okay that sounds like fun...soo....

monday did happen to be a snow day...hopefully everyone in bethel didnt get too bored out of their minds....in the morning we left for our trip to NYC...i figured my mom was happy and everything...then my dad pulls up to this house that i've never seen before...we go in and my grandma is there!!! it was my aunt's mom's house in NJ....my grandma was visiting for the weekend....i was like wow my dad really planned this out....so we went to the diner for food then we took the ferry across to NYC....my grandma came with us but i was wondering why her friend didnt come...she was like "O Mrs.P has things to do..She doesnt mind that I came with you guys." so i didnt ask any more questions. My dad said he wanted to go to Lincoln Center because there was shopping there...I have no clue was Lincoln Center is so i just went along with it...We had to walk so far and no cab would take 5 people so we talked about 20 blocks...it was sooo cold and windy...and we had to dress nice because we were going for a nice dinner...everyone was walking really fast but i just figured it was because they were cold...even my grandma was walking fast...i dont know how she kept up with us...she has a lot of energy but we were practically jogging...it was crazy....so anyways

we walk up to this building which i figured was the Lincoln Center and as i walk up to up i glance up and see the sign "New York City Ballet presents the Nutcraker" It was like slow motion of me looking up and looking at everyone with a smile on their face...we got inside and my dad pulls out the tickets and says "Just thought I'd buy some tickets and bring you" i was like you little jerk haha....so we made in the nick of time...we got their exactly at 2 when the show started....i was so overwhelmed...i started to cry because i was so happy....there were just so many things happening at once...i was freezing my ass off, i am in the new york city ballet theater seeing a professional ballet (something i've always dreamed of seeing), we get there just in time, and im so emotional because omg my parents did this for me! it was such a suprise and i had no clue...my family is good at acting because they planned everything and didnt slip or said anything that would give it away...so the joke was on me...haha...instead of a suprise for my mom it was for me...even my brother knew....

it was A-mazing...i love ballet....now i want to go back and see more shows...the foyer of the theater is where they taped Center Stage...it was beautiful....then they wouldnt tell me where we were going for dinner...we ended up at "Tavern of the Green"...it was beautiful...expensive but nice...dinner was good....then we went to Rockafeller Center to see the tree and iceskaters...it was so pretty...we also went into St.Patrick's Cathedral...the archetect in that building is magnificent...we finally got the bus back to the ferry station and went home..i was so tired and happy...what a day...everything that happened i wasnt expecting....i love my family....

so yea that was really really long but omg it was awesome....and today i stayed home from school because i was tired and everyone else was home so why not....im such a slacker....much love

<3 erin

Countdown to Christmas: 4 days

current mood: grateful
What do you think?
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
2:34 pm

hello...guess what?! i got into 2 more schools!!!! I got my acception letter to Westconn and Scranton today when i got home from work...Olivia got into Scranton also!!! Yea girl we rock! But they told her she's getting a scholarship and i'm not getting anything so far...it didnt say anything in my letter about getting $$$...damnit...that pisses me off because where i am going to school is based on how much money the school will give me...oh well..we'll see what happens....

today work was fun...liz was there and she does obstacle courses and stuff with the kids...

i am at vinny's house right now...he has to do hw... :( but im gonna help him...tonight i am babysitting...whohoo...NOT! o well i get good $...its like my job so it works....better get going..

Have fun miss KT!!!

Much love <3 erin

Countdown to Christmas: 7 days

current mood: bouncy
2 thoughts What do you think?
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
9:05 pm

i stayed home today...i havent been feeling too great and today was perfect because i didnt have calc and stats...two classes i hate missing...i only slept until 9 then wrapped some gifts and watched a movie...it was a nice, must needed,  relaxing day....i enjoyed some time alone...i went out with my mom a little but felt like poop...i came home and did some hw and talked to vinny

he's in trouble...he keeps giving an attitude to his physics teacher and he was sent to the principal's office today and was yelled at...he was freaking out before but i helped him calm down...seriously i should be a phychiatrist....haha....cha right...

i was watching the ellen degeneres show today and lindsy lohan was on...she got sooo skinny...her arms look sickly skinny...hopefully she'll put a few pounds back on...i dont like when famous people get so skinny because then people feel like they need to be just like them...ugh....they arent being very good role models...

my throat is killing me!!! i found out some interesting facts....i guess theres this theory to keep germs away from your mouth so you dont get sick...and that is true to a point but its better to keep your hands away from your nose and eyes....germs and infection spread quicker if they get near or in your nostrals or in your eyes...i found that interesting....

tomorrow im excited...im going to the mall with my friend meghan and then we are hanging out at my aunt deb's in new farfield...i can finally finish my christmas shopping....i think im just gonna get vin some boxers from pacsun or a hat...i dont want to spend too much...then im gonna go to spencers and get chris one of those neon light fixtures for his dorm room...i think they have one there of a girl...he'll enjoy that....he is such a good drawer....at college he's drawn pictures for his friends and they've gotten tattoos of them...he should start charging them for his artistic skills....if i ever get a tattoo, i'm def having him design it....he has an awesome pic of a rose in his sketch book already...next week he's getting another tattoo and he asked me to come to the place with him...i was suprised but ill def go...i wanna see him getting it and going through the pain...haha im such a horrible person...it shall be interesting....

i guess i'm gonna go...time for some sleep...much love!

Countdown to Christmas: 9  

<3 erin

current mood: sore throat
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